


Some Nights (I Stay Up)

by Achilles_Heel



Category: The Heroes of Olympus - Rick Riordan
Genre: Gen, Reyna Reflects, Song fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-16
Updated: 2020-07-16
Packaged: 2021-03-04 22:55:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,182
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25314169
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Achilles_Heel/pseuds/Achilles_Heel
Summary: Reyna reflects about her life and her favorite song, Some Nights.
Comments: 5
Kudos: 14





	Some Nights (I Stay Up)

**Author's Note:**

> Warning. Spoilers for The Tyrant's Tomb. 
> 
> As always, any and all feedback is greatly appreciated.

Reyna’s favorite song, the one she most relates to, is Some Nights by fun. 

_Some nights I stay up cashing in my bad luck Some nights I call it a draw Some nights I wish that my lips could build a castle Some nights I wish they’d just fall off But I still wake up, I still see your ghost Oh, Lord, I’m still not sure what I stand for oh_

She sees the ghosts of her father, her past. Sometimes she just wishes she could be a young girl in Puerto Rico, playing with the staff who let her drink smoothies as she chased and named the strays of San Juan. Lying awake in her bed at Camp Jupiter, thinking about all she’s built in her four years in New Rome. Her battles won and lost, bringing her to who she is today.

_This is it, boys, this is war - what are we waiting for? Why don’t we break the rules already? I was never one to believe the hype Save that for the black and white I try twice as hard and I’m half as liked But here they come again to jack my style_

Preparing to lead the Legion in and through war, what she’s been preparing them for as their leader for so long, though she feels like she was nothing more than a glorified Barbie doll just yesterday. Yet she knows she must show no fear, and share her strength and receive only pain in return. She struggles with the rules of Rome, eventually breaking them to go on a whim and saving the world while at it. Her entire life has always been grey. She knows that as the daughter of a war goddess and a raving soldier, she was never destined for playing with cats in the sunshine. She was never meant to be a Barbie doll. But she wishes for that simple life. She knows she couldn’t avoid fending for herself against pirates who seek nothing more than to take advantage of her. She’s at odds with everyone. She’s too peaceful and too warlike. She poured her soul out in Camp Jupiter, and instead of friends, she got comments whispered in the barracks when the officers are asleep and she’s working about how stiff she is. How Roman.

_Well, some nights I wish that this all would end ‘Cause I could use some friends for a change And some nights I’m scared you’ll forget me again Some nights I always win, I always win…_

She honestly contemplates if this is the life she was meant for. She has officers under her command, not friends at her back. She may lead the charge, but there’s never anyone behind her. She is scorned by Rome for going on a solo war, a suicide mission, but how is it different for the other things she’s done for the Legion? Her Roman image is now tainted in their minds, and her Greek image leaves much to be desired by Camp Half-Blood. She is scared that one day she’ll be forgotten, ignored, only visited as she visits her father: unwillingly, traumatically. She wants her friends back, Hazel and Frank are together. She’ll never find love where she hopes or wishes. Jason was once her best friend and maybe more, but she’s too Roman for even him, the all-American boy.

_So this is it I sold my soul for this? Washed my hands of that for this? I miss my mom and dad for this? No. When I see stars when I see When I see stars, that’s all they are When I hear songs, they sound like a swan, so come on Oh, come on. Oh, come on. Oh, come on!_

She gives everything she has for both of the camps, and despite having found a home in Nico, all she can think of is the other homes she’s lost. She once had a home in Puerto Rico, in her family. It died. Her mother was a war goddess, not a love goddess. The closest thing she had to family was her sister, who abandoned her at 11 to go serve the Amazons, leaving her to fight her way through the ranks of Rome. She looks up at the stars in the garden of Bacchus, and she sees the beauty, but also the tragedy. Orion, who once hoped for love but never found it and was condemned to live a life of madness and hate until his own mother of all people killed him out of pity.

_Well, that is it guys, that is all Five minutes in and I’m bored again Ten years of this, I’m not sure if anybody understands This one is not for the folks at home; Sorry to leave, mom, I had to go Who the fuck wants to die alone all dried up in the desert sun?_

She’s lived her whole life a drifter, moving along the waves of trouble, as if she never escaped the pirates and their ship. She eventually realizes that even though she might be the daughter of a war goddess in a legion motivated by war, this is not her place. She served her time. She doesn’t know if Bellona will be offended by this, but Reyna can’t stay here. Her friends are dead or gone, living their lives happily together. Her best friend, Nico, was a home to her, but now even he, who thought he was incapable of love, has an aspect of light in his life in Will. She understands that she will always be friends with him, but he doesn’t need her to help take the pain anymore. Reyna wonders if she’ll ever have someone to take it from her, but she knows she won’t. She has herself though. And maybe later a former god walks into her camp after a battle, and while he can’t heal the zombies intent on destroying her and everything she’s built, but he wants to help heal her heart. But Reyna finally, _finally_ understands. She doesn’t need romantic love. It’s OK if she doesn’t want it either, even if it was offered by a god.

_It’s for the best you didn’t listen It’s for the best we get our distance… It’s for the best you didn’t listen It’s for the best we get our distance…_

That’s why she joins the Hunters. Her whole life she’s been on the run, laughed at for not possessing love. But she finally has found a place where you don’t need love to be great. She knows she’s still on the run, but this time, she’s running toward her future, and not away from her past for once. She knows Camp Jupiter might never understand, and maybe the gods won’t either. She’s got happiness and even a few laughs in at Venus. She has found love. She loves herself and the Hunters, her new friends who for once, understand. And some nights, while she’s on the hunt, camping under the stars, she finally sees that the beauty is only enhanced by the pain.


End file.
